Caring for Aging Parents

Adult children of aging parents often find themselves with the sole responsibility of making important medical and financial decisions, scheduling medical appointments and providing transportation. They may also run interference with service providers when surgery or new medications are needed. In addition, aging parents may be living independently with mild cognitive impairment. With this diminished mental capacity they may need reminder calls, daily attention and help with bill paying.

When an accident or illness occurs, adult children often miss work, have to travel great distances to assist their parents and are often faced with the pressure of decision making regarding finances, insurance concerns and long term care planning.

A Professional Care Manager can be of great assistance to these Sandwich Generation adults. According to a “Planning for Elder care” article (May 18, 2007), services from Professional Care Managers should be something every family considers taking advantage of, but in reality, very few families use them.

The concept is simple. The family hires a professional adviser to act as a guide through the maze of long term care services and providers. The Care Manager has experienced similar situations many times, while the family is experiencing this usually for the first time.

Unfortunately, most families think they can do it themselves and will not consider the investment of a professional assessment. In reality, the services of a Care Manager will most likely save them money, time, stress and frustration. Care Management services can also help eliminate family disputes and disagreements.

For example, when you make an appointment for an In-Home Assessment, the Care Manager encourages family members to be present. During the 90-minute interview, many issues are brought to light. Questions can be asked and important information can be imparted to the adult children and the aging parent for further discussion. Discussing financial and long term care issues can be delicate, but a Care Manager is trained to handle these issues with consideration and sensitivity for everyone involved.

There is a delicate balance for many Sandwich Generation adult children and it is far more common than you might expect. An estimated 16 million Americans, more people than live in all of New England, find themselves “sandwiched” between two generations, struggling to raise their children, while caring for an aging loved one.

The reality of caring for an aging parent, who in many cases may not even want or realize they need the help, is often a stressful and time consuming job. It doesn’t feel natural to the adult child or to the aging parent. After all, few of us have been trained or are prepared to manage these changes.

Cynthia Bowers, a CBS News correspondent, was quoted in a recent "Katie Couric" article as saying, “We think our parents are always just going to age gracefully and go to the retirement home and die in their sleep.” What is more likely is, “you either are a caregiver now, will be a caregiver, or someone will be caring for you between now and whenever you die.”

So, you might begin asking yourself the following questions:

• If I become incapacitated, who is going to care for me?
• What can I do now to keep from being a burden to my adult children in the future?
• If you are a family caregiver, what type of help do you need now?

Don’t forget - a Professional Care Manager is readily available. They can help you by assessing your needs and to develop a plan of care with options, resources and community referrals to help you and your aging family member. The goal is to support independence, while reducing stress and relieving anxiety.